4.01.12

This one is a bit introspective and ponderous- feel free to skip...

My Aunt Carol passed away last week. She was older and had been in poor health for quite awhile, with the diminished quality of life that comes from that. Nevertheless when the end came it was sudden and unexpected. I've wondered how this has been on my mom- Carol was her only, and younger, sibling, and the lone surviving member from her side of the family. As my mom said, she's now the only one left (fortunately she's in pretty good health, still answers the bell each day!) She seems to be dealing with it pretty well; they were close, but not super close, and again, the poor health and quality of life Carol had probably cushions her loss somewhat.

I've also been thinking of Carol's daughter, my cousin Cheryl. Cheryl is an only child, and me, my brother, and my sister are her only cousins, only relatives. Growing up we really didn't see or have much to do with Cheryl, despite her and her mom only living one town away. There was some animosity between our moms at that time but more it was just, not even indifference but simply, I dunno, unawareness, never even considering that we were Cheryl's only relatives. Relatives, aunts, uncles, cousins were something I think we took for granted; from our father's side of the family we had a slew of them, many of them living in Easton (and you know who you are!) Even given age differences or that we might not have always run in the same groups they were always there, we'd always see or run into one another, be it at school, the park, the store, at church, wherever. Whether we always got along or not (sometimes both!) having that extended family around lent a sense of- what?- of stability, of connectedness. And, not maliciously or with malintent but simply out of lack of awareness, Cheryl didn't have that, didn't experience that from the people who could have/should have extended that to her.

As I got older on those occasions when I'd think of Cheryl I always felt badly about that. She deserved better, and we missed out on getting to know a wonderful person. Awhile back I re-connected with Cheryl (as have my brother and sister), and she was good enough to reciprocate. Over the last several months we've stayed in pretty good touch, and my hope is that, especially now, with the passing of her mom, she can consider us her family, that she might begin to experience at least some of the connectedness that she has with us (and we with her,) as much as our family has had with all of the extended Donaghues.

If there are any points to this they are; be they family, friends, whomever, don't take people who are, or should be, important for granted. It's a loss to them as well as to us. As possible or feasible, making the effort to connect/reconnect with people important to you can be rewarding. Lastly, it shouldn't take an illness to figure these things out.