Sometimes I don't know if this is more like the journal Don Draper kept in season 4 of Mad Men or like the diary Travis Bickle kept in Taxi Driver but...
I received an email last month from a very good, long-time friend. A lot of times when I write these entries I often receive a lot of complimentary, um, compliments. But sometimes I wonder if these are for real or if they are from good people trying to make Poor Sick Vito feel better. A cathartic exercise for me certainly but, to my mind, of dubious worth to anyone else. But this note came from someone who has no reason to, and wouldn't, bullshit me.
He mentioned what he's gotten out of reading my thoughts, experiences, and such, about how various experiences and the emotions and actions that they cause weave their way through our lives, and how some of my thoughts and experiences resonate with things he'd gone through, and goes through, in his life, in all our lives, looking at and trying to grow from where we each/all may have been to- hopefully- become better people today. Triumphs and trials, successes and setbacks, they all shape us, often in ways we don't truly realize and have to make continuous effort to control.
I was stunned when I finished reading. I tend to think that I'm a fairly low-key, unassuming person. Many people- family, friends, strangers- have made an impact upon me and my life- most of them for the good!- many times without their even realizing it. But truly, it blew my mind to think that my thoughts, my words, my experiences- myself- actually have any real, tangible impact upon anyone else. It's not false modesty, nor it is low self-esteem; I'm just not wired to think of myself in that way. It was a very humbling and, at the same time, very powerful, message to receive. Thanks.
Or you could have just been bullshitting me...
