5.19.13

It's been said and written that life, um, altering events change people. I've been giving this some thought recently. While perhaps it's better to let others judge on that score (To see ourselves as others see us... to quote Robert Burns) from my perspective I really don't see how I've changed, how my illness, diagnosis, and prognosis has really changed me or how I've conducted my life these past two or so years. I feel like I'm pretty much the same person I was two, five, ten years ago. I don't believe I've become angry or bitter or despondent. Perhaps I've become somewhat more, I'm not sure introspective is the right word but perhaps aware, of myself, others, the world around me. I don't believe that I've become all that more outgoing, gregarious, risk-taking, or warm and fuzzy (two words seldom equated with Vito) either- again, I should probably leave that for others to decide. I do think that I've developed a better appreciation for the people around me, and I know that I've been struck- and humbled- by the countless, and undeserved, expressions and acts of interest, kindness, and consideration I've been blessed to have received from so many good people. I think I'm a different person than I was 15, 20, 30 years ago but I like to chalk that up to- much delayed- maturity. But traits and habits are hard to change, they die hard (perhaps I should rephrase that.) By nature I tend to be somewhat cautious and reserved, I don't often leap without looking... and looking... and looking some more (add several cold adult beverages to the mix however and all bets are off.) I'm not sure if those are good things or not; certainly they protect from harm, but at what costs lost? Many people I know, from all of my walks of life, are more outgoing and open than I; a few are more quiet and closed. Is one better than the other? Probably the former- it likely creates more opportunities- and personally I wouldn't mind being that way, more outgoing (what am I waiting for?!) but changing who and how we are is difficult, it can be uncomfortable and unsettling, not only to oneself but to people around you, people who are used to who and how we are.

Awww hell, maybe I just think too much... Go Bruins!