7.11.12

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
- John Wooden

I cite the above quote on my Facebook profile. I've found quite a bit of wisdom in it over the years, even before my health issues arose. I suppose like many of us back when I was younger, say in my mid-late 20's or so, I thought I had it all figured out, I really didn't think there was anything left to learn about life, about people, about things. But changes come along, successes and setbacks, be they career/financially, in relationships, health-wise, and more, both to oneself and to those around us, those we know- and even care!- for and about. External events happen too, things as momentous as the 9/11 attacks or the '08 financial crises as well as the smaller, incremental but still-significant changes (the rise of computing and the Internet and the changes they have brought to the world for example.) The things we thought we were certain about become chimeras.

There's a line from Clint Eastwood's Sudden Impact: "Callahan is the one constant in an ever-changing universe." And there is something to be said for being solid, for stability. But the changes in life, the things we learn after we thought we knew it all, are what are important. They define us as more than merely stagnant, nostalgic, living-in-the-past curmudgeons. They keep us vibrant, forward-thinking, alive. I don't mean to speak for others nor come across as ponderous or pretentious, and admittedly I've probably been later to the show in this regard than many/most people that I know. But I really can't think of anyone that I know, be they family, friends from Easton, fraternity brothers and friends from UMass, others whom I've met and befriended over the years, who are the exact same people, who hold the exact same attitudes, views, outlooks, etc... as they were and did when they were 14, 18, 22, 25, 30, whatever. Some are in relationships or careers- or places- that neither of us might have imagined, some have given up drinking, some have developed an interest in Buddhism, and much, much more. I like to believe that, while I still have many of the same interests and such (sports are still big for me, I still enjoy gritty crime novels and films, still enjoy a few cold adult beverages on occasion) my outlooks and attitudes have adapted, have matured, or have simply become better informed, as a result of the many lessons life has taught me since I knew it all.

I had another CT scan this past Monday; good news and bad news. The bad first; the exisiting tumors on my liver have grown with, in the medical jargon slight interval increase in the size of these metastatic lesions which, in basic English, means the tumors on my liver have gotten slightly larger in size. Which, given the incremental increases in my CEA levels over the last few months, was to be expected. As a result my oncologist has put me on a slightly different chemo regimen; after the first round, so far, so good, no adverse side effects as of yet (today.) So that is the bad, or disappointing, news. On the good news front; first, there has been no spread beyond the exisiting tumors, no new tumors or any distant metastatic disease, meaning to date no spread to any other organs beyond my liver. Also- because I asked- my oncologist believes that I likely beat the odds on her original prognosis back in May of '11 (at that time, with treatment, median prognosis was slightly over two years.) Conservatively speaking, she seemed to think that I'm looking at at least 2 years from now. I'm feeling fine, anyway- bulletproof!