2.27.12

"You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf."
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

I came across that quote in a book Big Ed Reid had recommended (Delivering Happiness: A Path To Profits, Passion, And Purpose, Tony Hsieh.) Yeah, it sounds a little New-Agey but its one of those quotes you read and it really stops you in your tracks and makes you ponder it; at least it did for me. For much of my life I've tried, in ways large and small, to bend the world to my will, with the- predictably- poor results; part of my control freak thing, the belief that I can control whatever I want to solely through my own effort. It's a lesson many have probably learned long ago. Cancer has taught me that it is false. Jack Nicholson, as Frank Costello in The Departed said "I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me..." but it doesn't quite work that way (look at how he ended up.) It's like pounding one's head against a wall- the wall isn't going to give. I don't believe it is admitting defeat as much as acknowledging reality when saying that it doesn't work. And it doesn't mean giving up and simply meandering whichever way the tide flows. It is, or at least should be, about using that force, those waves, to power one's life in a purposeful, rewarding, and hopefully enjoyable, direction, utilizing one's talents, gifts, abilities, and attributes, learning and adapting not in opposition to but with that flow, riding it, contributing something of value and worth and purpose not only to one's own life but to those around us, and the larger world as well. Slowly but surely I'm trying to learn to surf!

On the health front I'm still feeling fine; my most recent doc and chemo appointments went well. The only thing I'm dealing with right now is some neuropathy, in my feet, toes, and especially fingertips (it's a result of one of the chemo drugs- Oxaliplatin- that my team had me on.) It should subside and improve over time as the effects from the drug fully work their way out of my system (it took awhile to build up to the point where I have the neuropathy, it'll take awhile to subside.) It is a pain in the ass- makes typing, tying laces, buttoning, opening things, lifting (grasping barbells/dumbbells) and the like challenging. But again, it should improve over time, and the benefits of the treatment exceed the costs for me -I'm still here, and feeling healthy.

(At the request of Drew Herrmann I've enabled comments; feel free to leave any if you wish.)